I was just thinking as I was laying in bed this morning "I haven't written in a few days. I only seem to write when things are tough. Maybe I should write about how good things have been going" Should have knocked on wood or something!
For starters things have been going much smoother. It has been nice for a change. I have been happy, feeling like things are getting accomplished. McKinley has been eating, we have made it three nights in a row through dinner with no tears or fighting! It is a miracle. I haven't had that constant pit in my stomach. Until today...I don't know what it was. I guess all good things must come to an end or something like that. I promise my list of good things really was amazing, it was long, I was excited and now my mind is blank, I am numb. I hate feeling like this. I am jittery, sick to my stomach, cold, feel like I am constantly looking over my shoulder. When will it end?
I really do want to be in that happy place. I like it there. I love being ready early, getting stuff done. Cooking, baking, playing with McKinley. Today I just feel like a flop like I should never have gotten out of bed. Maybe I need to just quit sulking snap out of it and make the best of a bad deal. Who am I kidding I can type all I want to sound great when I go back and read it someday but that's just not me at least not right now. Maybe I will be there at some point but I am not there yet. There's a good goal, make lemonade out of lemons. Until then I will be the best darn lemon tree I can!
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